My friend who goes to NYU took these.
My half brother works at the World trade building, 58th floor, he wasn't at work so he's ok. I don't even talk to him much but it's so messed up.
I don't know. Maybe I'll have more later and be more apt to type my thoughts. I'm not much for prayer but in such a circumstance I think it is appropriate.
posted by chris 9/12/2001 09:45:57 AM
I am now a Purdue University student, classes start tomorrow, I've already gotten drunk at frat parties(cuervo is my drink!), walked all over the campus, met new faces and etc yeah yeah ok.
ok. they haven't even given me internet access yet, i am on my friend's computer. he's looking at his schedule. anyway. it's very odd. i've only been here like two days. it's a lot of new things but its weird how i really don't know so many people. in a way there can be a certain loneliness among people. but it's nothing bad and i don't anticipate it continuing. it's a very odd time, and i'm just trying to feel my way through it. just a lot of transition. you know. i am actually very much looking forward to classes starting (even though my fucking class starts at 7:30 and it's a good 15-20 minute walk) because it's going to continue to open up the new possibilities.
it's funny how much i've already got planned for myself club/organization wise. we will see if it comes to fruitition all of them and how it all fits together. i don't want to overload myself, as class/studying should take up the majority of the time, but i really think there are a lot of good things. a lot of the reasons they give is just "get involved, meet people!" but to me a lot of them just seem very interesting.
this is an odd post to make because i have not had the opportunity to really even collect my thoughts or anything. so to put them in text is kind of a struggle.
i will say the last couple weeks in louisville were a lot of fun but would get depressing knowing how i wasn't going to see these people for so long, and then also knowing some i'd never see again. it's bad because some friends were supposed to email me, and haven't, and i was supposed to email some others, and haven't.
this past summer was maybe one of the most fun summer's ever, but it was always mixed with like a certain degree of finality or something that it was going to end and all bonds that were made or strengthened would be weakened or broken with the end of the summer. and in other cases bonds that could have been so much more were held back.
i shouldn't really dwell on it too much.
i find it funny how some people talk of their liberation, and other than the location difference the degree of freedom hasn't really changed. i was still living with my parents and had to go by some of their rules but they gave me a lot of freedom. i mean no curfews, but at the same time i was not woken up for where i had to be, they stopped cooking for me, i cooked my own food, i don't even have to do that at college, the money i spent was money i made, even my personal groceries and food and whatever. so i mean i understand this is the first time it's not mom waking them up in the morning or cooking them breakfast but also isn't telling them to call or be home or reminding them to study or wash their faces. so in some ways there isn't as much transition with me as maybe someone else. i don't know if that is an advantage or not.
bottom line though, i need to make good grades. i know everyone is motivated when they first get to college. but i need to. no jokes no games. no excuses.
i don't know. i'll try to update more when i finally get my own connection hooked up. so then maybe i'll talk to some of ya'll.
one love.
posted by chris 8/20/2001 12:41:46 AM
posted by chris 8/7/2001 02:20:03 AM
sorry that i have taken so long since updating.
things are changing and moving along. i am not really as conflicted about things because basically i come to understand the inevitable. not that i am not looking forward to it. it's just that it is coming. so why fret? i've decided my freshman year is going to be a lot of fun, but as much as i make it, but i'm also going to get good grades and such. yes yes sounds great now. we'll see.
i really do like summer. it's neat because i work but work has become a lot of fun, especially when discussing such important life matters as what percentage of the population eats ass. (i say 18-22 percent, and no i personally don't eat ass. i don't think i ever will either) but it's neat because it's so leisurely. i work so much better when things are at the pace i set, which is usually drawn out with bursts of frantic productiveness. i chill and lay around a lot and a lot of my social interaction is just chill lounging type stuff but then it can get real intense and fun, and when at home i am able to take my time and then when inspired i work on my music or whatever creative stuff i'm inclined to do. it's so neat. no pressure, no constraints, it's just when it comes it comes. you know? i'll go out 5 days straight and then stay home 3 in a row. i'll get home at 11:30 one night and 4 am the next. it's so free and leisurely. i'll wake up for work at 9 one morning and 3 in the afternoon the next. i complained about sleep in the last post but i think i'm getting to where my body is enjoying this. the hard schedule of school will get me i think though.
here is an example of some art stuff i did. i scanned this a few days ago and got to working on it today.
attuc.GIF
finalbody.GIF
i need to revamp my page to eliminate the popups and organize things better, but oh well. i hope ya'll don't mind too much, dunno when i'll get the chance to fix it up.
i think probably right now is truly the calm before the storm. i think my goal for now should be just enjoy myself, don't get too caught up in anything, and then just be ready for school when it comes in two weeks. (holy shit!)
i talked to my roommate for the first time, seemed like a good guy. (though said he listened to dmx and puff daddy. oh don't worry. he'll be listening to old nas and coltrane and otis redding and curtis mayfield before he knows it) i think we'll get along good. cat is from pittsburg. i will say, and he may read my page one of these days, but i have never believed in long distance relationships, but more power to him, his girlfriend is a year older and goes to dayton and now he's going to purdue, they made it work last year, more power to him if it keeps working, but it isn't for me.
oh well.
i've gotten some neat feedback on this site. i feel bad i don't update more for the readers i do have, and i don't really advertise either. it's too bad. i just am not sure what i want to do with it. i wish i could get with the livejournal community without actually using the cruddy livejournal. that might be interesting, but also implausible so it doesn't matter,
basically here's the rundown: i need to let myself be 18. i get wrapped up in trying to think ahead a lot and not involve myself with teen-type stuff. and a lot of it is assinine and that;s why i don't hang out with certain kids. but i am 18, and it's my last summer before college, and that's why i can lay around and party and stay out and just do silly online journals like this where i whine and be an idiot. i think that's what 18 is about. there will come a time when i don't have time for this, for silly outtings and cruisings (by the way i saw someone get road head friday, was funny) and i won't have time to do any art and maybe even my music. we'll see. i need to make sure this thing is set up so i don't start losing my old posts. one of my major motivations for this is when i'm 45 i'll have these silly things to read and i can comment on what an idiot i was, and then maybe i'll smile at my idiocy. because hopefully it's good, innocent, youthful idiocy. i'm not making any sense.
hopefully i'll post again sooner than 2 or 3 weeks like last time. peace.
posted by chris 8/7/2001 02:15:47 AM
also i had to break this post into two posts since it's so long and wouldn't go through as one, so keep that in mind. it's that damn long.
i realized that i can never have a "great" online journal because i just don't like to share too many things about my life. i talk in generalities and relay stories, but the majority of what people would really like to read i keep to myself. i'm a rather private person with most of the details of my life in general, but those who know, know. i mean plenty of people know certain aspects of my life and others know other parts, who knows if i even know or understand all of it myself. i really hate the idea of someone just reading my online journal thing and creating this image of me, even though i know it actually goes on already, including people i know in real life which is even more amazing and obnoxious of a notion.
i really don't like reading online journals either. i would so much prefer for someone to tell me their story in person and for me to tell them mine in person. so what am i left with with this site? i suppose it's both to spew stuff off the top of my head, and to say certain things when i don't have anyone to tell it to. i suppose the computer is a very easy listener. but it's definitely not my preferred one, but i also don't want to forsake this site or journal. we'll see. i try to be creative with this, but who knows how it actually comes accross.
i have been someone who has been waiting and wanting for college to be upon me for months and months now. i've been really into it what has to be about a year. i mean i was at the point where every time i got in my car i really just wanted to drive off and not come home. i wasn't depressed, i've been depressed before, i didn't have low self esteem, i just didn't like where i was and what was happening and felt powerless to do much of anything. i needed to get out. i still do really. but now i'm not so much worried about going, it's just, well, i suppose it's a mixture of fear of the unknown and i have a lot of things going on here that i both don't know if i can wrap up or even handle or what to do. maybe if the summer was longer i'd be more confident but who knows. i leave in roughly a month, and maybe things will be definitely settled by then, but even if they are, who knows if that will be the way i wanted it.
this summer has been one of the greatest times in my life if i try to look at it objectively but it's also been consumed with an enormous amount of anxiety and unnervingness(it's not a word i'm sure i don't care). some of it is probably stupid teen angsty whatever crap that really is irrelevant and i'm willing to concede that, but some of it is garbage i shouldn't have to deal with and others are just messed up and unfortunate. i'm a person who dips my hands in a lot of things and i don't like to lose track of what is going on with each but often it emotionally stretches me and things can really disturb me. everyone i know says i'm the most even keel person they know. and i'm glad, and i'm not going to say "if they only knew" or some cryptic thing, because i don't know what they go through, there's probably shit that people i know go through that is 30 times worse, god forbid that, but i don't know. i just know i hate certain things going on right now, and hate is a strong word. and other stuff i'm just confused on how to deal with.
i take being vague to spectacular levels never before seen. maybe i should just all of it, but this post is long enough, and who knows if i even know what all it is, but i don't think that's in me right now.
while i remember, i apologize for that earlier link, it's a bitch isn't it? as a tip hit alt+f4 a lot to get and quickly to get rid of it, or you can always reboot. maybe you already did that.
posted by chris 7/14/2001 02:47:42 AM
i have the weirdest sleeping schedule. it's so incredibly random. it basically circles around work and the usual times i go out. i don't do either every day of the week. i go to work some days at 11am and other days at 3pm. i usually get off from 8-9pm. i usually go out with friends somewhere between 7:30-11pm and i get home somewhere between 1 and 4 am. from there it's just insanity. last night i got home fairly early for me, 1:15 am, and didn't go to sleep until 7 am and i woke up at 4 pm. my parents have given up trying to control my patterns or telling me to go to bed or anything. earlier in the week i went to bed at 9:30pm and woke up at 7:30am. that was a lot of sleep for me but totally out of nowhere. i mean that's weird for me, yet it'd be considered the most "normal" sleep schedule of them all. some days i sleep from like 2 pm to midnight or whatever and those are my 8 hours. it's so random.
it also really screws up my eating schedule because we hardly ever have food in the house and i don't have much in the way of pocketchange and i'll be up at odd hours and i won't eat and then i'll sleep and it'll be a deal where i haven't eaten for over 24 hours and things. plus lately i've been really queasy. the only time i'm sure i'll get to eat is work. the other day i was eating a turkey sandwich at work(a "me turkey, you jane" to be exact) at 7:15pm and i mentioned how that was my breakfast.
I've always been a night person, and i thought I might have been an insomniac but I get my hours, it's just very random and night isn't good for me to sleep really. i mean i thought i was because during the school year i'd pull all nighters and go to sleep at 5 in the morning for no good reason and then get up at 7 for school. this summer my hours have just gone haywire though.
earlier today i made this desktop background for the wu-tang clan, one of my all time favorite musical groups. hated by many, and i can't say much of their most recent work has even been all that great, listening to enter the 36 chambers and only built for cuban linx and liquid swords and various mp3s just blows me away. anyway:
http://home.dal.net/doc/wubg23.GIF
there.
one of the big reasons i love wu-tang is because the rza is the man. those that read this site fairly often might remember me saying that the highest compliment i could receive, in my opinion, is that i "walk the line between genius and insanity". i remember someone describing first hearing nas rip it at the age of 18 on "live at the BBQ" and blowing everyone else off the track.
if you want an example of this, try the rza. the rza ('pronounced "rizzah" short for the razor those that don't know) does all the programming and beats for wu-tang, or at least he did, and he has orchestrated most of the business moves. i think he's amazing. he'll make the most musically amazing piece of work and then the next one will be amazing, but he will purposely make the chords not go together quite right, or have the loop a little off, or this or that. he'll talk and he'll say things that are pure genius and the next time say something that is pure insanity. however, telling the difference can often be hard. the rza has worked with people like bjork as well as other rappers and whatever. he did the entire soundtrack for the movie ghost dog, which was about as enigmatic as he is. he has another album coming out, bobby digital 2, it's probably not even going to be good. i didn't even like "the w" save for two tracks, but i don't care, the rza is still the shit
what the rza does musically when he's at his best is create worlds. listen to only built for cuban linx (raekwon's first solo album). it totally draws you in. it creates it's own world that is like reality, but there is something, off, something different, you can't put your finger on it, in some way it's kind of unnerving but your soul and mind wants to be challenged like that.
prince paul, who was a producer for de la soul and the wu-tang side project gravediggaz, remembers sitting and talking with the rza in the early 90s before any of them had made it big or anything, and they were talking. he said the rza laid out his plan for wu-tang, how he was going to manipulate the whole industry, use solo projects and all these albums, jockey into better deals, have it pool back into wu-tang productions, etc and paul was just like "yeah man word" but was thinking how it was way out there and was just him talking but then, as we see now, paul said it all happened exactly how the rza said it was going to happen.
i was reading that for christmas a few years ago the rest of wu-tang bought the rza two big microscopes that cost six thousand dollars total because he wants to be a doctor after all the music. but when asked if he would go to school for it he said he didn't need school. i like the rza but he isn't doing shit on me medically speaking without any schooling.
i've often thought and probably stated here that i think "mediocrity", or being "average", or whatever other catch word you want to use the worst of all hells. i really don't want to fall in line in that way. will i be some revolutionary figure? i don't know. but i hate the idea of just doing something to fit in. i mean the irony of life is that we all want to be rebels just like everybody else but for some reason it's an awful strong urge in me. maybe it's blasphemous on some level to refer to the rza and nas and the like as geniuses, but i don't care. they are out there doing it, making it happen. i swear, it may take me time to find something to channel my energy into but i'm going to find something to focus upon and make it happen.
that's probably the most teenagery thing i've said. "i'm going to change the world, i swear!" type crap at it's best. but maybe it's good. i don't know. i don't really have much direction right now, i have so many interests and things. a friend of mine once described me as leonardo da vinci with down syndrome with all the different things i do. that wasn't what i was looking for, but i think it's fairly accurate in that i try anything and everything but i have no real focus i suppose. and even when i get really into something i can drop it and get into something else at the drop of a hat. and even if i really want to do one thing, there is no guarentee that will work out. but maybe all my gungho spirited crap is good, i'm 18, i don't have the world figured out. and if i lose the ability to just say "fuck it i'm going to make it happen myself" and mean it, what do i have left? it shouldn't matter with that if i'm 18 or 80.
i don't know. one's mind is an enigmatic thing and i have always enjoyed just time to myself to think, but i wonder if it isn't making me crazy. i know people who never give themselves a breather and they seem pretty happy. i'm someone who throws myself into things and then has to completely retract. when i step in a room most people are going to take notice, but i also might just never appear. i don't know. i say i don't know a lot. probably because it's the truth.
that's all for now. i just spent a full hour retyping this and thinking what i'd said. i think it's fairly similar to what i'd put up before, maybe it's better, maybe it's not as spontaneous. i try to do something original with these journal things and do things in a way they haven't been before, but am bound by my format, so most of you probably wouldn't have noticed, or had anything to notice that was much different than any other journal. we'll see. i just kind of spill my crap on here and then look later what i actually put up. if anyone enjoys it on any level i suppose i've accomplished something.
this is a really long post, so if you read this far. thanks. peace out, and stay safe.
"i'm the animal that hugh hefner created...the most hated..."
posted by chris 7/14/2001 02:46:27 AM
because blogger fucking sucks it just ate this really long fucking entry i had. goddamnit
posted by chris 7/14/2001 01:40:03 AM
posted by chris 7/10/2001 10:14:10 PM
weird day. friday i wake up early on little sleep, and go to work. nothing special justa lot of dumb customers. bunch of spills by jerks. anyway.
then i pick up a friend to work on the album we're working on. it went ok. i dropped him off and at like 6:30 i decided i'd lie down and watch some tv before i call people and see what's going on. next thing i know i'm waking up and the clock reads 11:55. crap. there goes my friday.
so now i'm up. it's midnight and i know i won't be sleeping for awhile. i get online and talk to some people, the guy i worked on the album messages me and starts basically to say he has second thoughts. alright whatever i don't know what triggered it or what his concerns are even about, but i can't be concerning myself with such things. if he wants to do it i'm down, if not, fine, i've still got all my goals of what i want to eventually do with what i've got going on.
i waste time and it's about 2:30 am and i'm in just a weird mood. i decide to read email and a friend of mine wants me to make him a logo for a website. the site is called "everything was beautiful and nothing hurt". i think it's a clash lyric or someone i'm not familiar with. so i come up with this.
I told you I was in a weird mood. I think it's a good logo but I do recognize how morbid and messed up it is.
so then it's like 3:45 or so and i'm bored. so i begin to work on some music. i rework a track i had done and strip a bunch of parts and add new samples, scour for stuff, build on it, and then i get the idea to make some weird vocals. so i get all these wav files and i make some new ones and i'm reversing vocals and warping them and doing all this stuff, testing by listening to snippets and moving on. finally i roughly organized it and listen to the full song.
holy shit this is like devil music. what the hell?
it was straight up messed up. like the vocals sounded like satan or something and the track is just weird. so i just deleted like 45 minutes of work i did on the vocals. the track can be downloaded here. i'm not even going to say it's all that great, it's just weird and slightly psycho. i don't know.
so then i begin to wonder if i've like lost it. so i start wasting time by watching infomercials (fucking juice lady, i hate salton maxim and the way they are weening out the juiceman in favor of the juice lady. we all know jay kordich is superior). and talking to the one person i know still online.
i've really wasted time, it's now 6:50 am, i have to be at work at 11am. my mother just woke up. why is she up this early? i don't know. i'm going to go get a couple hours of sleep.
i'm a freak
posted by chris 7/7/2001 06:54:46 AM
i don't think i can do anything too formulated but here are some lasting thoughts in no order that were good
talking to tommy davidson at the sunset room v.i.p. area because i was the only one there who recognized him
being the only person at the sunset room who flat out told them they weren't 21 and they still had to let me in
remembering that clubs are usually retarded and just because it's los angeles doesn't make them cool and being reminded by all the greasy idiots
leaving the sunset room when a perverted martin landau tried to talk to me inbetween hitting on girls 50 years younger than him
seeing "eddie" from family matters and "sallah" from indiana jones and puck from the real world and k.d. lang at weird random times and realizing i was the only one who recognized them there
seeing my aunt chase her dog into ventura boulevard and being sure they were both going to be hit
chilling at the rainbow room with tommy lee and watching all these wannabee 80s rocker people
being given an autographed motley crue book which actually is like a new york times bestseller, but still finding it funny more than impressive to have
seeing b real and his group of 8 or so all with their own joints smoking up outside the rainbow room
comparing everything on the trip to cast away(which is a dope flick)
eating at the restaurant robert blake shot his wife at surrounded by the mob (and john rhys davies, the guy who played sallah on indiana jones)
ordering a sundae from jerry's famous deli takeout and having them screw up and give me this big styrofoam container full of like a gallon of ice cream
eating at the gaucho grill that was extremely cheap (7.95 for a boneless half chicken dinner, salad, and vegetables! and it was good too)
being annoyed being drug downtown to shop
chilling and eating dinner at la marmalade with a cool girl who is a model with elite models
meeting said model at my aunt's class she teaches that i sat in on
sitting in the back of the room just to observe and having her move and sit next to me and having her strike up a conversation
busting out patented chris brown smooth delivery to ask if she wanted to do something later
her saying "sure" without hesitation
me doing mental touchdown dances that deion sanders could only dream of
me changing the topic in this blog
me just spending a lot of the days chilling in the sun, the whirlpool, working out in the excercise room when i felt like it
reading messed up stuff in the motley crue book that was insane
example: an ozzy osborne story when they go on tour with him. ozzy sticks a dollar in his ass and goes into a diner at a small town and asks people if they want it and when an old lady cusses him out he steals her purse and then returns to the bus wearing a little sun dress he found in the back and nothing else, him wanting to snort more cocaine but them being out, so he takes a straw and finds this ant hill or whatever and snorts like all this ants in one big snort. then before anyone can even react he whips it out and urinates on the pavement of the sidewalk in front of old people trying not to look and a gathering crowd. then he bends over, bare ass in the air, and licks it up. then he turns to nikki sixx of motley crue and says "now your turn mate", not wanting to but thinking, "damn it's ozzy osborne" he urinates on the pavement, but before he can bend down ozzy is down there licking up his urine. sixx simply says "you win" and realized there was someone crazier than them.
me actually enjoying how messed up the motley crue book is
me requesting to be shot if i ever buy a motley crue album
finding it funny how i saw all these b and c stars randomly and me in this blog mentioning again how i was the only one who recognized any of them, except tommy davidson is dope. on the real.
having other, equally juicy stuff that i don't want to say or can't remember right now. ok
PEACE GOD/KIKO/DUNN/SHORTY/PLAYER/PLAYBOY/HUSTLER/MATE
posted by chris 6/25/2001 03:45:12 AM
woah it's been awhile. my bad. i'm mostly posting because of primarily one guy telling me to, you know who you are. there's only a handful of dedicated readers.
anyway.
check out eric layman's page. i found his livejournal the other day and he updates daily. i don't. sorry again.
i'm annoyed because i want to go to the house of blues on sunset when i'm in l.a. to see the beatnuts (and the arsonists!) for only 15 dollars, but it's 21 and over, and it's not the kind of thing i'd want to barge in with a fake for, without knowing what kind of place it is and how much they care, plus i'd be with like my aunt or something so i dunno. we'll see what i decide to try and do. i mean i'd go to the house of blues anyway, but the beatnuts i bet put on a good show. trust me, it wouldn't be the first time i've used a fake, but i don't have a decent one now and i'm not neccesarily ready to take the chance in l.a.
so yeah i leave for l.a. saturday. i luddat shit. i go every summer and i like it so much. i wish i was going to college in san diego but money says no. so yeah. damn money.
i like summer so much. the freedom makes life so much better. i mean some people say they like just laying around or whatever, but i just hate having all this crap weighing me down and in the summer it's lifted. if i'm somewhere it's cuz i want to be. i sent that message to my family by skipping a bunch of stupid dinners with my grandpa and whatever so they know not to just expect me to drop everything. not trying to be an ass with them, but you have to establish autonomy and control.
but like i said, i am places because i want to be. there are days when i'm i'm hardly home for a few days at a time, and then other days where i just chill here watch some tv, listen to music, play some video games. (man i still like starcraft, that game is still fresh, especially online, even if a bunch of the battle.net people are idiots)
funny shit: "A lay preacher who claimed he did not need car insurance because God had given him divine protection from harm has been fined nearly £800. "
i saw the other day this news report of this crazy japanese guy went into an elementary school and stabbed 29 people and a bunch of kids, with just a damn kitchen knife. i know these were little kids and the teachers aren't trained to detain psychos but damn. that's nuts. damn japanese.
today my manager called to say i didn't have work today. it seems weird. considering i am leaving for like two weeks to l.a. and registration day at purdue. but i don't care because l.a. is [see above]
i don't like discussing like personal life activities but i did go to a hip hop thing the other day where Shalem and ADeeM played, and it was dope. i gave both a copy of my cd of instrumentals after the show and they said they'd get back to me. we'll see, but it's still interesting. so yeah.
i just wanted to mention how happy i am to be away from the majority of st. x people. people i'm all "what's up" and "hey" with who are the fakest people i've ever met who are in for a rude awakening when life comes knocking. some will handle it, i bet plenty don't. cats haven't seen shit in their life, and if they had they would know how stupid they look and act.
i'm done with those people.
another thing that annoys me is when people say "there aren't any good looking girls in this town". no, even worse is when the person talking is fat, stupid, and a jackass who is still "the dirty" kid at age 19 and their face is like a damn picasso painting and he expects every girl to look like a victoria's secret model and to want him. people this vocal about the unattractiveness of others with no place to talk need to get beaten down. on the real.
posted by chris 6/13/2001 01:03:06 AM
one funny thing is this lady came up asking about the age of the person inside and i surmised she was afraid it was her son
also, white castle's was closed down but the police made sure to get like 3 giant boxes of sandwiches first. also, some people's cars were parked in front of white castle's and couldn't leave.
anyway, we were waiting there and finally the guy comes out. he has has one foot still in the door, the gun to his head and he is screaming "fuck ya'll" and just generally screaming. then he shoots in the air, i hear another shot, i don't know what happened exactly, then he turned and ran back inside, and the police dog goes in after him. all the whle he had been outside cops were sneaking in the back. and after the dog ran in at least 30 cops went pouring into the place, i figured he was dead or something but about 10 minutes later they came out with him in cuffs.
i felt bad because to me it became purely entertainment, people just had beers and were in lawn chairs and stuff. i compared it to watching reality television live. it was all surreal.
a lot of people were dissapointed that he didn't blow his brains out and i can i understand i suppose from an entertainment standpoint. but i'm weird.
anyway, the end.
posted by chris 5/24/2001 08:47:58 PM
posted by chris 5/21/2001 12:10:55 PM
new beat in the music section.
posted by chris 5/21/2001 12:53:41 AM
anyway. i don't have much in the way of news. i think the reason is when things are going good i don't think about this as much, and when i want to be whiny i'm here more. you know what i mean? since i come off like a whiny ass here you probably do.
so i dunno. yesterday at work these emo kids came in. they were probably a band, but i dunno. 4 guys and one girl. they even pursued the stereotype because only one actually got a sandwich, and i do work in a deli, the rest got coffee. i always find emo kids funny, i have nothing against them but they always seem to be of the stereotype without fail. they were all very soft spoken and kind of meek, adn then it seemed like they'd worked pretty hard for their looks with some kind of hair grease and some had dyed black hair and the special emo glasses and whatever. i was talkign with a friend once and mentioned how a lot of them make fun of preppy kids, which i am not one, but there isn't much of a difference, they have their own special look, they just spend less. i'd rather say eff a stereotype and just look like whatever i want to. i'd describe myself as a kind of sharply scruffy but others would disagree maybe. i don't know. for those that are wondering what emo kids look like, the get up kids are a good example of emo kids. it's actually funny because before i knew who they were i was at white castle after one of the football games on friday talking when a girl i was with, who obviously does not play football, recognized them as they came into the place and talked t them. i just thought they looked like dirty kids. anyway.
i'm graduating in a few days. i'm so ready. i think the best part of graduating is never having to see some kids again. i will say that in a disturbed way i will miss king disgusting, who, without ever getting in an actual fight with me has become my nemesis. he even tried to talk to me the other day but i was just like "no king disgusting, just settle down". i mean the rolls in the back of his neck alone are enough to make my stomach turn. i wish during the graduation ceremony they'd just say "king disgusting" instead of his real name.
this local newspaper wants to follow me around for our graduation day. that's weird isn't it? if i do it i will have to use my medium to my advantage and as a forum.
i made this the other day. i think it is scary. it is "joey" of N'Sync and then one of the insane clown posse guys. coincidence? you decide.
i'm holding back so much. but it is not for internet eyes! i'm so tantalizing.
posted by chris 5/20/2001 01:51:27 PM
i escaped alive. i wonder how many did not.
posted by chris 5/19/2001 02:03:31 PM
first off, i'm tired, i leave for school at 7:40am and get home from work at 9pm. yeah.
a retarded version of mathew broderick came into work today and asked for change to "make a phone call" ok no problem i'm the cashier. wait, why did you just get a dollars worth of pepcid AC out of the machine? weirdo.
this fat lady who comes in everyday came in again today and consistently is the only person it pains me and at the same time makes me laugh to look at her face. she is by far the most annoying person, and she's such a pro, she knows how to finagle an enormous amount of food for under 6 dollars every time she comes in. and she never fails to get a whole pickle instead of the standard slice, to the point of repeatedly asking you if it is the whole pickle when all she has to do is look in the box i just handed her. die please.
king disgusting is now becoming proud of his nickname because i've gotten it to grow to where a lot of people call him it now. that or just k.d. for short. but my hatred hasn't waned. i honestly hope the nickname sticks for the rest of his life. i hope his grandkids call him king disgusting and all he can do is frown, sit in his trailer park home, eat another onion ring and call them "butt pirates"
i harrassed a teacher today by shoving a forkfull of some strange pie stuff id gotten from another class in his face. he didn't even do anything he just tried to hold me back. but i was relentless. he even kept on having a conversation with a kid while i had this forkfull of crap in his face. being a senior is good.
ok just a few damn days of school left. every day i walk into school and everyone comments how bad and tired and messy i look. i tell them i''m not a morning person but i don't see why they expect me to walk into school smiling and whistling a tune in the hallways or something. fuck that. and matter of fact, fuck you too mr. let's be happy and giddy. i hope you die
lots of goofy stuff that i hold back because i amazingly don't like putting all my private info on the internet! what a concept! ok.
i had something else to say. i give credit to mike minton because he encouraged my lazy ass to update. next time get me with a cattle prod or something.'
last thing, i thought that this was clever
the end. i need sleep/drugs/death
posted by chris 5/15/2001 11:07:16 PM
hopefully i'll get back to posting. at least i can make fun of people from work. i slept 13 and a half hours yesterday when i stayed home from school.
so basically this is just an "i am alive" post.
posted by chris 5/10/2001 09:33:12 AM
this weirdo guy in his thirties came in and when he was paying at my register he was very odd and mumbles and seemed insecure, then all of a sudden just goes "i know you!" and it so freaked me out. then he said he was an avid walker and he remembers me as a little kid. how do you respond to that? i couldn't really say anything and then kept trying to hold back laughs and i think it made him more insecure.
a lady came in and asked if we had any copies of this one local free newspaper, i said in the front and she went to get them, when she was walking back to her seat i noticed that she didn't get one, she got at least 50. then she just sat in her booth by herself with them all there and read one while she ate and ended up leaving them all there.
for me to clean up.
an old lady said i looked like a young roy rogers.
crazy old men just stood around not ordering anything and not sitting down, whispering to talk and then laughing about everything. one guy had suspenders and way too high pants. i think crazy old men are my favorite demographic.
a young kid knocked hot soup into her moms lap and they hot tailed it out of there leaving me to clean up the mess.
ok these are getting weak, i'm done.
posted by chris 4/19/2001 10:20:47 PM
i had forgotten what it was like to get real drunk. i now remember. i bet some family member will see this and i'll regret it. i'll have to deal with it.
things i like:
playing a song with a lot of bump in my car and looking in my rearview mirror to see it shake with the low sines.
people being a lot cooler and funnier than you expected
chinese food
cooking my own food
having time to just do things as i please and to just immerse myself in stuff i never have time to.
things i hate:
going grocery shopping, especially at our kroger
having high expectations for people and then realizing that they are idiots
having seemingly everyone i know away somewhere cool for spring break. they'll have to bite me when i am all over the country over the summer though
stress about shit i can't control. and having to calm other people repeatedly for the same things
the end. now listen to my music and tell me how much you think it sucks
posted by chris 4/9/2001 08:39:49 PM
the end
posted by chris 3/24/2001 05:14:40 PM
one of the windows is off to the side and is relatively hidden by these rlled up mats and buckets of something. so me and a friend found some tape in a drawer in a different office, went into the room when no one was looking and tore out pages of muscley men from the magazines and taped them to the window. i figure there's a good chance they'll be up there for a really long time since it's not visible. i'm waiting to hear about stories about the men. one of the pictures is some chief on a horse.
the end.
posted by chris 3/12/2001 11:01:26 PM
i could talk about a bunch of stuff that has happened but i'll resign myself to generalities and mostly today.
i'll break the rule by mentioning that i gave myself a haircut. i was a self giving haircut virgin. the reason is my parents want me to get a job and i keep putting it off so they said they won't pay for anything besides gas so i can get to school until i get a job. i needed a haircut. they wou;dn't pay. so i said "give me the scissors" i'm so cool and rebellious!!!!!!
fine not really.
my friend john bishop specifically asked to be mentioned here so he breaks my rule of names. the only names i had had on here were vaguer things or nicknames like king disgusting(he gets more disgusting with each passing day, and he keeps thinking he's funny, and again with each passing day becomes less funny. he really is testing my patience.)
anyway, here's my message to john: despite looking an awful lot like this, you're fun and adventurous.
why do i have to deal with so many crazy people on a daily basis? honestly.
i've been in a creativity rut for awhile. a lot of it is business but i haven't made any new music or crappy doodles or computer art. though if i get pictrures of a kid i know i'm going to deface him like nothing else.
man i have had nbc on the tv the past two days while working on other things and i swear if they haven't had the craziest miniseries thing. it is starring the guy from will and grace or the guy from dharma and greg. one of those two. he is running around but every time i look over there's crazy fu man chu orientals shooting lasers at him or explosions or ghosts or midgets or something. it's like an nbc miniseries of time bandits or some other equally strange and dementedly confusing movie. it'd probably be less confusing if i paid attention.
now the fu man chu's are trying to get some oriental girl eaten by a poorly created computer generated hydra(multiple ehaded dragon) there's also a guy with a pig's face in the background.
this is scary.
posted by chris 3/12/2001 09:30:21 PM
"even when i say nothing it's a beautiful use of negative space."
posted by chris 3/4/2001 07:29:23 PM
it's 3:30 am so this is an appropriate time to be posting.
i haven't posted in awhile. sorry. i fixed up the links recently, taking some links off, adding others, so if you haven't been in awhile, check it out yo
life is crazy, stupid, too fast, too slow, extraordinary and far less than i make it out to be all at the same time.
i noticed a kid at school the other day who hardly ever talks writing a "Reasons i live list" and from what i could tell it included things like: smiles, human touch, driving in his car, i think one was blues traveller, and at the top and underlined was "fear" i could relate to that one. he had at least 25 things written but i could only see the few and i don't think he really wanted to share or anything.
do you hate it when people have you pigeonholed as a certain thing, or when different people have you pigeonholed at different things but to them you're that and no more? i hate that as much as anything. can't they see that i don't even know what i am so how can they? "i'm like all races combined in one man" "nas is like the afrocentric asian, half man half amazin'" both by nas
i'm sure that placement of quotage was gay.
since i'm moody and such late tonight i was driving and convincing myself to be progressively more and more angry, which is something i do too often about a variety of things, i was behind someone and their liscense plate read "pie chef". it made me smile and that was enough.
i think it's funny that i can quickly get on the internet and within a couple days have people sending me the playbooks and a couple tapes of like big time college football teams. that shit is far too accessible if i can get on and get it without even having to pay.
i am sometimes really amazed at how little concern people have for others at times, especially if they "don't know them that well". it's like the less i know you the more willing i am to just screw you over any way i can. emotionally, physically, whatever. people do some low down stuff.
i guess the last inane rambling i have is i am curious if just the general population needs to chill out. i mean i can be pretty hyper, and i can get kind of crazy, but i'm not uptight. there's a difference. and some people are just too damn uptight and they need to chill.
i thought selecting my college would relax me, but it hasn't really. i guess it's just an all around nerveracking thing. everyone keeps telling me i should study abroad like my sophomore year, and that sounds great, but i'm still too worried about like, tomorrow, to worry about studying abroad in my sophomore year of college.
ok the last thing. if i'm walking and you're coming the opposite direction, and you've got some girl with you. and we make eye contact at some point by happenstance, i'm still going to awknowledge your girl before you, and you better not try to pull some kind of toughguy bullshit with the looks and eyes trying to act hard to scare me from your girl. first, i probably don't want the bitch, considering she's with you. two, if i wanted her i could probably take her so don't even give me a reason to try because otherwise i wouldn't care. and three, somebody who makes eye contact and then doesn't even give a head nod is the kind of shit people get famous for, and while i don't kill people or anything, it still does not sit well in my world. and it's always the same gelled hair, blonde hair highlighted idiot who is trying too goddamn hard and is so happy he has a girlfriend that he's hanging all over her ass in public PRAYING that SOMEONE just simply NOTICES him.
sometimes shit makes me wish i was violent.
posted by chris 3/4/2001 03:42:10 AM
posted by chris 2/15/2001 02:40:03 AM
that's all
posted by chris 2/13/2001 12:30:16 AM
right now i'm listening to the remix of it ain't hard to tell by nas, i swear they got this beat from somewhere, but it doesn't matter, this is dope. also good is company flow's 8 steps to perfection, and of note is Evidence of Dilated People's rebuke rap to Eminem. Ev does alright, some clever things, not amazing, the track by Kutmaster Kurt is nice though, and Babu scratching is just crazy dope
also, everyone should listen to stuff by galactic, they are so grand. it sounds hardcore but it's just smooth jazzy/blues/funk. enjoy
life is goofy with whatever. i hate many things about my current situation. i actually think i've become full of an incredible amount of contempt for many people. whether it is king disgusting, or just random people who either aren't funny and tyr to be by ignorant things, like tired jokes or making fun of kids who don't need to be made fun of. me and a friend have decided that people like these just "suck at life"
i passed up on an oppurtunity for a relationship. i just don't feel like i can handle it all right now, i tried to be nice but like you never know when you hurt someone guess. it's just not something i can handle right now i think. "i've got too much drama for that sweet shit" - havoc
i think i'm probably going to end up at the university of purdue. it's a good school and all, and a nice school, the only thing i hate is it is still in like the midwesty thing but oh well. i'll deal. big thing is price compared to all these other schools.
my friend told me kids were breakdancing sunday to mos def's album black on both sides. how did i miss that? that would have been beautiful.
it's always weird when you find out that people hate you. i don't care about these people and i've found them annoying, but they hated me because of a bunch of stupid reasons i didn't even catch or didn't care to catch. it's just strange. it's been awhile since i've found out that someone i cared about hated me. i'm probably due.
i've decided the compliment i most want someone to give me is "he walks that line between genius and insanity" i'm tired of "he's funny" or "he's nice" or "he will burn in hell"
blogger is dying and might go out of business soon. a lot of people i know have a livejournal. i just hate the design and layout of it. my one friend said it's good cuz she's met like new people from it, but I don't know if I want that either maybe. we'll see.
i put a couple of songs up at here. just simple, largely unfinished beats
has anyone here watched the hamlet movie with mel gibson? we are watching it in english, it's actually not bad until when hamlet confronts gertrude(mel gibson and glenn close) ansd while berating her he starts to dry hump her and then he french kisses her. that freaked me out.
i think all school papers, assignments and projects should die, forever. that's all for that.
props for now go out to everyone who can take me from any mood i'm in and make my head go nod(currently tribe called quest, ali shaheed muhammed you're so dope), active ankle for your wonderful ankle braces, boulevard management for being nice to my phone calls and my wheeling and dealing, breakdancing, and naps
boos go to william and morris agency for being too big and being jaded jerks to my calls, the lady who chased me down to get my liscense plate number and then reported me to my school, sleepless nights before school, school projects, school in general, rap "music" that is borderline that, just an idiot shouting a phrase over and over ('pimp hard! pimp harder!" "drop bows on em!" "we bout dat!" etc) over a track i could put together in five minutes with my penis
that's all for now. peace.
posted by chris 2/6/2001 10:43:31 PM
setting futuristic airport
i was hearing rumors of planes being attacked and the rats instigating these big godzilla things the airports used or something so i left my own flight and got in line for another one, but that line was too long and i finally found a shorter line and i paid for it with my real life credit card, but then this guy was bringing these rats in to inspect it and i watched horrified as they went on and i turned to the guy at the counter and said can you transfer my ticket or give me my money back, if i go on that plane i am going to die, and immediately as i said this, the monster bent down and picked up the plane, i ran quickly away as the plane came through the glass and killed a bunch of people, i ran frantically away and found a group of people sitting in the smoking section and they didn't know what was going on, i tried to find another plane i could board quickly but as soon as i left the area with the smoking section a plane and a green claw came through and those people were mostly dead, i found some strange stairs and i went up and found some people i knew, and they were acting weird and they had a plane thing, i figured they were getting the hell out so i strapped myself in the back of it and started getting this bad feeling, they finally started to leave and i watched horrified all these attacks, when i realized they weren't going to fly at all but instead go right for this water pool and they went under on purpose, i freaked out and unstrapped myself and left and startred swimming to the top but i got a breath but there was no room at the top so i swam frantically around and got on my feet when i found some kind of plane or somehting and threw the guy out and got in but when i took off there was some kind of plane war going on and i ducked back down and landed on some farm and that was it
posted by chris 1/26/2001 12:44:47 AM
the end.
posted by chris 1/25/2001 09:46:23 AM
a guy i know was telling me today this story about how his little brother recorded his mother yelling at him and kept it. and would play it when other people were over ike friends of hers. i thought that was pretty clever. i kept thinking though if i had a copy i'd do a bunch of edits to put in sounds of beating and some screams and try to get it realistic as possible and then turn it into the child abuse specialists. but i thought about how awful that'd be and i must be a mean spirited guy. but then while i was pummeling someone into a pulp i got lost in my thoughts and began to analyze my being and realize i was a good person. and not to let thoughts such as getting some mother arrested for fraudulent child abuse charges make me lower my self esteem. my victim agreed. either that or he was gasping for air.
i like how when i'm at school, we have a crappy bell timing system with only 4 minutes between classes, before classes start i talk really fast to try to get my information heard, but usually i don't have any. i'm just asking questions when i know they can't answer in time. but then at lunch and when school ends i'm back to my laid back smooth self. you know my stylo.
this is probably a crappy update, especially with no music.
posted by chris 1/24/2001 12:15:07 AM
http://66.20.150.61/crunk.mp3
http://66.20.150.61/coalitionc.mp3
http://66.20.150.61/flavah.mp3
peace out
posted by chris 1/21/2001 01:37:13 PM
i stumble into the house at 2:20 am to find this big chunk of our ceiling having fallen and laying on the floor in pieces. i'm sure i'll have to pick it up later. if my life was a movie it'd be a metaphor for the events of late. also if my life were a movie i'd be more dashing, decisive, and confident of the outcome. anyway.
i got into a college. purdue. it's a solid school. i'd take it definitely. i gave up on two choices i was going to apply to because i am no longer interested. it's down to purdue, south carolina and san diego, and i really need to think of one more. especially since because of location and price san diego isn't really doable.
among the more virtuous and reportable, as well as more interesting experience tonight was riding in my friend's car (he calls it his boomcar) bouncing down the highway and roads too fast listening to old wu-tang and a mix cd he had of gimmick songs like rico suave and woomp there it is. it was good fun. it made me miss ol' dirty bastard when he was just an absurd drunk. now he's completely incoherant and can't really do anything. besides run from the law.
that's all for tonight. i'm struggling to sit here and type this.
i just added this line because i've had to proof this about six times. it's pathetic. plus this advil is not helping my headache.
goodnight.
posted by chris 1/21/2001 02:49:52 AM
all this entry is going to be some links that i don't wan tto put in my links page but i might later. the first is crush.nu. i secretly like this because i'm goofy even if it probably is overdone and whatnot.
next www.dcmcnamara.com. this page makes me laugh but in a tentative uneasy way because it flat freaks me out. the guy is a complete freak. i actually thought it was a joke for awhile, but before it had instructions on how to find him on IRC so i went and sat in his channel/chat room thing and watched him converse with his friends and he's totally insane. he calls himself the "anti-porn guy" but he basically hates everyone. he hides behind christianity, so he serves as yet another example of a person who gives a bad name to christians. he mostly hates pornography and homosexuals, and he has a "fag facts". i'm sure it will aid you on your next report. he had more insanity and nazi-like babble but he said priests emailed him and told him to take it down. my favorites was his anti women rhetoric ranging from "women should not wear pants because it is unladylike" to "women should never orgasm during sex". oh yeah, take a look at his pictures. it honestly made me cringe and have to lay down after viewing them.
also if you want to see something messed up go to rotten.com and look up "fecaljapan". oh boy. i honestly think my eyes bled after i saw that one.
happy surfing neighbors!
posted by chris 1/18/2001 12:52:56 AM
anyway, friday i gave blood at the blood mobile. it was a sham. there wasn't even any kind of vehicle. i asked them and they just told me it was the most christic act i could committ according to some pope. before they finished though a guy said "was his name pope blood sucky sucky?" that comment caught me so off guard at that moment i wanted to put him in my pocket and keep him for later. in the preliminary process they hand you a sheet, and it has two stickers with just bar codes on them. one says "i have aids, hepatitis, etc so do not use my blood" and "i do not have aids, hepatitis, etc, use my blood". you were supposed to put the one that applies to you on your blood bag and the other on this sheet of paper. she then turned around while i was supposed to pick. but i only took the one about not having any and put it on my blood bag. when i told her to turn around she got furious and ripped up the sheet and tore off my sticker and without ever taking her eyes off me she took out another sheet. then she turned around. i thought about putting both stickers on my eyelids but i figured she'd murder me. so i did like i was supposed to and said i was sorry. she asked me if i was deaf or stupid so i told her i just didn't know if chlamydia counted so i didn't want to totally commit. she took me serious, but i think that made it better.
i got the blood nurse who everyone said was "hot" but really she was just like a hot hick, but not as good as like daisy duke. she was nice enough, but all these stupid kids kept coming over and hitting on her, even though she was 25 or so. when i commented that it was funny that they were hitting on her she got mad. they give you a ball to squeeze and one guy threw his to try to get her to bend over to pick it up. i forget what she did but she didn't give him a booty shot. he seemed saddened. all i could think about while i was being drained was taking the needle out and jumping up in order to spray people with blood. I'd even do the spiderman hand thing with the extended pinky and thumb.
i got my haircut over the weekend, my bangs were over my eyes and it was long, but now it is all short. i told him a trim but he started in with it short. i think it looks good, but i didn't expect it. but his name is elvis, so who can tell elvis no? he also made a lot of bad jokes about his name relation. i tried to laugh but really couldn't bring myself to. one was about how he was in space hiding and now he's back since the aliens taught him to cut hair. it wasn't like he was an impersonator, just an idiot.
i hate how the only conversation i seem to have on weekends now a days is people offering me intoxicants of varying forms and then they quote the same few movies. billy madison, austin powers one and two, and the waterboy. occaisionally happy gilmore is thrown in there. they act like they are the pinnacle of human artistic creation. second only to gladiator or something.
gladiator was way overrated. i liked braveheart, and some of these other crazy fighting bloody movies. gladiator was poop. the story was dumb, but i expected that, but i thought a lot of the special effects weren't even convincing. and what else does a movie like that have.
i've spent the whole morning clearing out a godawful worm/virus off my system and sending like 35 emails to people as warnings that i know i have sent or they had sent me. i found that i got it in october from some jackass i hardly knew who saw one of my other old websites. what a freak. i'd like to shoot blood at him.
posted by chris 1/15/2001 09:38:17 PM
it was really good also to get out my house with the shenanigans going on and to take my mind off it. however upon returning it had intensified, so i went back out, i tried to find someone and i made one call and didn't reach anyone before deciding i didn't want to mess with anyone so i went back out and listened to tunes i hadn't listened to in awhile, especially CDs I'd burned myself and got some food and just drove around.
i was reading something yesterday that a friend had done awhile ago and i saw the line "live on lifeless. and listen to good music." i can't say i really understood the intent, if it neccesarily had one, or if i've even given it that much of a meaning in my mind, but oddly i feel like it applies to me and it's the best advice i can give. so there.
posted by chris 1/13/2001 01:26:54 AM
i'm basically leonardo da vinci with down syndrome.
i do a little bit of everything but don't really excel at any of it. it'd be more practical to do one thing really well.
posted by chris 1/11/2001 10:46:22 PM
oh also, i will get the music section done soon and i realized the links section doesn't work right, that will be fixed also. peace.
posted by chris 1/11/2001 09:00:02 PM
In-slum-national underground/thunder pounds when i stomp the ground
i'm taking a break from doing a stupid english assignment. i've become really really disenchanted with school. i do my work and i get decent grades it just seems stupider than ever at this junction. even though probably it is as important as ever. i actually feel guilty when i get a good or at least decent grade when i know kids who studied and work harder did worse. i'm not one of the smart kids but i wonder if i could be if i tried. i don't really adhere to the whole "learning is stupid smart kids are gay" thing. i am always trying to learn, it just seems my mind skips around an awful lot and i get disinterested.
for about the past week i've been listening to a lot of jazz stuff. i've been wanting to learn more. there's been a good special on it on TV but I have only caught a fair amount of it. i've been listening to a lot of coltrane, my favorite song so far is "giant steps" it's rawsome. i always wanted to introduce that into modern teen lingo. anyway, i also have been listening to a contemporary jazz group called galactic. the name sounds hardcore, but it's smoothed out jazzy blues. i suggest you listen. oh yeah, and i rediscovered an album i had, my slumvillage album. the two rappers are very mediocre, they just rhyme poorly about 3 way sex and stuff but jay dee, the producer who has worked a lot with the tribe called quest and others is totally dope. songs like "get dis money" and "climax" oh man oh man. ?uestlove of the roots says that jay dee is "the best ever". i wouldn't go so far, but i enjoy it profusely.
also tomorrow i'm giving blood. i'm not worried about it, but it will be weird. i've had my veins opened before when i've had surgery(wisdom teeth and ankle) but other than that not much. they always commented i had good veins. someone said it was probably because i lift weights, but if that's the case i'll be awful because i haven't done anything in a long while and somewhat out of shape. (luckily i haven't put on any weight, the threat of that scares me)
anyway, that's all back to work blah.
one love.
posted by chris 1/11/2001 08:59:23 PM
i've become an expert at driving my car, flying on slick streets at 7:55a.m. with windshields and side windows that are covered in ice with one little slit i've wiped away to act like i can see with a defroster that hasn't yet warmed up.
even though my ankle is healed, i still park in the handicapped spot at school, partly because the main parking lot is way back and i'm lazy but also just because i don't remember where my assigned spot is. i'm such a fake rebel.
posted by chris 1/11/2001 09:50:13 AM
i'm in the computer lab at school supposed to be doing work. i really like to look around, there's kids working hard and furiously, then there's everyone else. the kid behind me is using some kind of site called pimpman and his login name is kingdestructopussy. another kid is watching a movie of a guy who puts on clear underwear and poops in it. i don't want to tell him i've seen it before. there's a group of kids crowded around posting to a high school sports message board making false threats and posting under their friend's names. i just had to stop because a kid wanted me to read his paper, it was an article for the newspaper written as if it was from jesus. he kept saying it was "tight" and "dope". things not usually associated with jesus. i didn't really like it, but i told him i did. it was probably pretentious, but no more than this. there's the kids looking at video game websites, and then there's my favorite group. the ones that look at car and car part websites. earlier a kid was looking at the weights of model's of cars. "fuck, my girlfriend's car weighs 800 pounds more than mine" his friend replied "what?" he repeated himself, and his friend started in about how that "sucked" i had expected one of them to laugh it off but they kept in, and then when i said "who cares" it was like i'd sinned. we argued until finally they moved.
humans are stupid.
posted by chris 1/10/2001 01:53:03 PM
anyway the point of this blog is one of the probably many reminders that things are never nearly as bad as they seem on this blog, even if i come off like i'm all bummed i'm probably not, it just comes accross that way in text. i got a nice email about how it seemed i was sad just referring my earlier post and i wanted to throw this out, so yeah.
plus all my phone calls of the past few days is starting to pay off in good news that i can't really share on the internet, nor is it particularly believable so i'll spare ya'll.
one love baybeh
posted by chris 1/9/2001 06:14:39 PM
also, everyone should go to the page of my friend manolo.it's nicely designed and such, and i was looking at it in the school computer lab while i was supposed to be working and i let out an audible chuckle. i don't really laugh at things on the internet, so that's a plus. i also had people looking at me. not that it mattered. just go. it's also up in links.
posted by chris 1/9/2001 04:01:25 PM
i'm on the scene, down and out now only love can redeem
the last post was so depressing. i'm not even that depressed right now, i think i've come a long with with how i deal with crap, but i think the keyword there is crap and it keeps happening.
but anyway, i'm in a good mood. i'm expecting some good stuff in the mail, school isn't dragging me down, i was given a fancy note by a friend from this one girl, my ankle feels good and i'm not sore anymore from the basketball game i played over the weekend, and mobb deep is threatening to murder me through my speakers. the world is mine.
i wanted to explain why the title now is the world is yours. i wish i had a real good explanation but this will have to do. it used to be magnetismic, which is neat and all and i had a fancy shmancy logo but it didn't mean much other than something kind of goofy i started using a few years ago. i decided something more pretentious and stupid was in order so i picked this. if you've ever seen the movie scarface in like the third act or something he is looking up and sees a blimp and on it reads "the world is yours" and later when he dies(i ruined the movie) the camera pans up and you see this big globe statue he has and around it reads the world is yours. that's just where i got it. i'm not a scarface buff or something and i don't want to like live his life or something. but i thought the phrase was interesting and i think, as much as any phrase could, be aplied to one's life. so lazily i've been trying to apply it to mine, in a way to motivate myself by seeing the world and what it has to offer as there for the taking. it probably won't get me anywhere but it sounds good.
the only other meaning i guess is that this page is sort of like my place i guess. or my "world" if you will my friend. i don't know. it all sounds so stupid doesn't it? you could also just ignore the page and look at pornography. i condone that.
i just read the note from that girl, she's goofy. she said she liked my new shoes. i've had them for two years. she also said she wants me to introduce her to one of my friends. people aren't being asked to be introduced to me, so what's the point. blah i was actually all positive for awhile.
at least mobb deep is still here "i'm only nineteen but my mind is old, and when things get for real my warm heart turns cold" my life isn't what prodigy was describing but sometimes things are applicable.
posted by chris 1/9/2001 03:51:22 PM
i guess ya'll deserve an update on how things have been. so in typical whiny fashion i'll lay it on ya'll.
well, the day before christmas eve my 30 year old step-uncle(the son of the woman my grandfather married for his second marriage) committed suicide. i spent a lot of christmas trying to console family and stuff, i knew him kind of well but i wasn't super close, so i tried to be there for people but I never know what to say, but I still felt like it was important. it wasn't much fun but had to be done, a lot of my grandparent's friends brought over food and were ultranice, but then this one couple, and my step-grandma rolled her eyes when told they had arrived came and made some big scene and the woman was so totally fake. she was syaing all the wrong things and trying to get hugs from people that didn't want to give them and was just generally an ass. when the attentioned started going away from her and onto conversationn about my late step-uncle she stands up and interrupts "do you all like my outfit? i just came from church" i mean come on.
it was my 5th funeral in the last year.
what i'm hoping doesn't become my next funeral is my dad. he has gotten real sick again, we thought it might be pneumonia, since as a result of his kidney transplant he takes anti-rejection medicine that opens him up for disease. the irony is that he already had a 2nd degree rejection and this latest visit has revealed his kidney is not really functioning. so he will probably have to go back on dialysis, where they run your blood through a filter, and if we can we hope to maybe get him another transplant, but it's probably unlikely with his history and havign already received one that didn't work. he's still in the hospital and has been since a few days before christmas. i know lotsa kids who hate their dads but mine is indescribable. i couldn't do what he does. i whine constantly and look at him, just fighting. he's not much to look at physically, but looks are quite deceiving.
so i spent most of my break in the hospital or at funerals/helping the mourning.
"over the break i went to the bahamas"
fuck you.
posted by chris 1/8/2001 07:23:40 PM
ok, test, i think i've got this working.
i had to make a new blog because i lost the password to my old one and stupid dal.net email hasn't worked in two months. oh well you get what you pay for.
i'll try to recover the old info and original posts if i can, i hope i can. one thing about this is in some form i want to hang on to this stuff, even if i have to print it out and save it somewhere. one day i'll really want to know what i was like now, and in however many years i'll probably have forgotten. so maybe eventually this crap will be meaningful to one person, me.
posted by chris 1/8/2001 06:18:04 PM
