If there's one thing to piss me off about this blogger is that horrid horizontal scroll bar over there... DAMN, I have tried all the possible ways to get that shit outta there but it won't leave. The funny part is that all my other bloggers have basicaly the same SHITML code and this one insists on not working! Well, I was supposed to go to bed but I'd rather watch the "Jogo do milhão" thing on SBT. And don't tease me, alright? It's cool, I like it, it's funny. And there are even many questions I don't know how to answer. It's fun ok? WAY better than shit like "Charmed" for example. Worse than Charmed only Putamon (Pokemon) and Shittymon (Digimon) and that annoying 10 year old Suck-ura Card Captor. Speaking of it, I have been wondering how far can we get with sucking at grammar... the show is called Sakura Card CaptorS... if Sakura is ONE girl, how can she be a "captorS"? Does she have an alter-ego or something? That's one of the million mysteries of the universe (please notice the sarcasm) only God can explain.

YAAAAWWNN!!!!
So my personal website is back... and I have a terrible headache that won't let me write more. Enjoy the new site.
Ah! This drawing to your left was made by me. No novalty, I guess. All the drawings that have ever taken some kind of place in my layouts were drawn by me. OUCH! My head ACHES!

WHOA!!!

LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time no blog, huh? Yeah.. I can't say I've been busy this week... I can say I've been lazy, pissed, phony (lol..), sad, whatever. This' been such a blasting week. Not in the good way. So many troubles and worries! Plus the fact my Aunt Flo just arrived. Heh, my period, I HAVE PMS, to be clearer to ya.

That explains why I have been sad for no apparent reason.

Changing the sub completely, yesterday I felt so forgotten! Yeah, I got home after my job and called EVERYONE, I mean EVERY SINGLE BODY and NONE of them was home! Either that or the phone would ring forever. After some minutes trying I gave up and went showering. I was feeling bad cuz none called! Well, Debora did but I was already sleeping. And I slept on my dad's bed from like 8:30pm to 12am so I woke up and went to my bed. Today I didn't have school cuz there's this stupid Science Fair taking place there. I'll have to go there tomorrow though, to watch my group's stand and bla bla bla.

And I also told Henrique I wanted to talk to him later. So now I have this tiny problem in my hands: I don't really have anything to say! So I spent long and exhausting 4 minutes (LMAO) thinking of something that I could say that actually made sense. No major complications, I'm just saying I thought his actions sucked big fat hairy ass badly and that I just went after him cuz I could no longer stand that horrible situation. Cuz it sucked to be around everybody and not being able to speak to him. I don't know if you folks ever went through this kind of thing but if you did you know what I'm talking about.

I also spoke for a long while to the other Henrique, the one who's my childhood bud, and we made lotsa plans. It's cool to see that I've known him for like my whole life, that we've seen each other grow, and we're still goin'. It's odd to know his whole life and to know he knows mine. That lots of important moments of my life he was there seeing it happen and sometimes making part of it. And same to me in his life. It's cool!

Well, we're saving up money so in like 2 years from here we'll make this huge trip to some other country. Our plan is Europe or Asia. But if the money's not enough then we'll be quite happy to go to North America or even South America. Or even around Brazil cuz we don't know it all even though we live here. And we're going just the 2 of us. Because both of us know nothing will happen between us cuz we've known each other for so long and we're just friends. So, no way. If anybody wants to join us then fine, but if not it won't be a problem.

We made this deal that we can't fight untill there and if we do, the maximun time we can stay without speaking to each other is 1 week, just to cool off and put ideas in their places. I imagine us, 2 years from here, riding the plane. That'd truly kick ass.

AH

hey... I wasn't gonna blog but it's become a habit. I wanna change the layout. Yeah, again. I can't help myself, I'm so moody.

I was supposed to be studying right now for Geography. But I hate Geography. It's the most boring school subject ever. Why the hell do I have to know what's the name of that tree that grows only in Moldania??? Doesn't make sense to me. No, Moldania doesn't exist, it's just an example, you got it.

I talked to Morgan after long today. And yesterday I spent the day over Rafael's with Ale, Alex, Felipe and Baiano (Who? Doesn't matter, I never talk about this guy, he's not my friend or even a bud so I don't know what he was doing there anyway). Yeah it was cool. I'd give you further details but I'm too lazy right now. I also downloaded a great total of 22 mp3s between yesterday and today. WOW.

I don't really have anything to say here. So I'm leaving.

Oh.. I thought I'd just let you know I read the 236 pages book in 2 hours. So then you can see how much I liked the book.

"This is the story of a girl..." who cried a river and drowned the whole world? Maybe.

Today I'm here to tlak about deeper things. I just read a book - that explains the poetic mood.

It's called "At the border of the River Piedra I sat and cried". It's by a brazilian writter called Paulo Coelho. Juliana says he sucks. Well, maybe. All I know is that I loved this book. It's the most beautiful love story I've ever read. And it's more than a love story. It's REALLY beautiful.

"Love is like a drug. At the begining comes the sensation of excitment and extreme happiness. Then, the day after, you want more. You're not adicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can keep it under control. You think of the person you love for 2 minutes and forget them for 3 hours. But as time goes by, you become used to that person. And you start thinking of them for 3 hours and forgetting them for 2 minutes."

There isn't a better way to express how I'm feeling.

Maybe I'm wrong and I'm not in love, just got in this mood because of the book - which I think is true . But if I'm right and I'm loving, I've decided I'll let it flow. I'm not trying to stop it. And if Life gives me a second chance I won't let it go. And I beg Her on my knees to give me this second chance.

Love hurts a lot. And it makes you lie to yourself when it does. I think that's what I'm trying to do. The unsurance and the fear are making me give up all that I've been dreaming of. The fear of rejection and the fear of the new. The fact that I'm so insecure about setting my foot on a ground I don't know and that could be so unsafe. Insecure about diving into a stranger ocean and not knowing what I'll find in the deep. The fear of not getting what I want and adding more pain and suffering to my life, as new scars.

But yet I have 2 choices: #1 - jumping into the unknown; I can fall down, get hurt and stand up later and carry on, and I can just not get hurt and get what I want. #2 - staying standing in the safe ground, where I know I won't get hurt, but I'll have to live the rest of my life without knowing what could have happened.

Between trying, looking back and seeing it was worth it even if I got hurt and not trying, looking back and see an empty life I choose number one.

I'll just give time sometime. Then we'll see what happens. Wish me luck.

Now apart from deep thoughts and feelings. I still have to tell you how my day went. Went alright. I'm staisfied I'm talking to Felipe and Alex again. At work things are just great. And that wonderful book I just read I borrowed from my boss Osmar. Must thank him.

I went swimming today after skipping it twice because of my hurt knee. It's not healed yet but better. I'm just sad I simply FORGOT MY BATHING SUIT THERE. Cool, I'm never finding it again and if I do I won't wear it anymore. Which means I'll have to spend more money on a new suit. Fuck. Shit happens.

I cannot believe what just happened. I just wrote my feelings in the blogger and all of a sudden it erased it. I'm scared. Maybe... I don't know...

Another thing scared me. I found a GUY that has the same problem I do. Yeah, that one with bfs (gfs in his case). Wow... speacially now that i just... I actually think I'm cofusing you. Sorry, that's all I can do now since I am very confused.

I'll post what I was wrting again in the next post. Just give me some minutes to digest this guy. I can't believe it. I simply can't. I'm freaking out, he doesn't have an email left or anything. I wanna talk to him badly, I don't know how!!!

Hello...

I gotta go bed but I can't resist this diary.

Well, today things went pretty alright. In a resume, I'll talk to Lobito tomorrow and Alex was pretty much friendly. I'll speak to him tomorrow too. The there's always that crap, Henrique. Well, he'd better sit and wait. If it depends on me then we'll never gonna get to talk again. If there's anyone who's supposed to mad here, this one person is me. He's just... ridiculous, pathetic. No, sorry, I forgot I had already taken the pathetic label. LOL.

I'm having troubles at work. That bitch called Janice is driving me nust as well as my 2 super cool bosses. We hate her. We truly do.

Hoooo, gotta listen to this: the Jaburu gang's been goin' around saying me and Henrique are dating. LMAO!!! HUAhauhauHAUhauhaUHAUHAUHAUHUAhuaHU!!!!! The worst thing of all this crappy nonsense gossip is that, pay attention to this, they said the actually saw us together, meeting outside school.

In YOUR dreams fat bitch! Ok, first of all I work all day long so it could not possibly have happened in the afternoon. During the night I wouldn't walk over his house, so Cristina could never had seen anything (she's his neighboor). It's true he's come over a few times but who could have seen anything around my complex since none of them lives close enough? And most of these times he came, either Estevão was with him or the whole crowd of guys came too.

And as far as I know he is(was) my friend. What's the problem with him and I meeting outside school? Cuz if that means something then they're a bunch of lesbians cuz they go over each other's houses in the weekends. DUH..

And I also think they should get their facts straight/updated cuz we're just not speaking to each other. Unless they considered it a way to hide our forbidden love relationship (LMAO). Next thing they'll start trying to record the conversations I had with him on the phone. Ooops, I wasn't supposed to reveal we even exchanged phone numbers. LOL.

Above of all, if I really was going out with/ dating/ snogging/ having one night stands/ shagging/ getting married to him WHAT THE FUCKING FREAKING HELL DO THEY HAVE TO DO WITH IT??? I mean, if me and Henrique are dating, if I'm sleeping with Cristiano, if I'm secretly married to Alex, if I co-own a gay bar with Felipe (LMAO - thatw as funny) IT IS NOT LESS THAN MY BUSINESS. They really should get a life of their own so they could take care of it. Instead of watching and discussing mine.

Now you ask what do I think about this? Seriously, I laugh hard. Don't tell me you don't think it's fun to have your name involved in this type of thing? HuahuaHAUhauhuAH!!! I love it! Specially because of who the gossip is coming from!